35 Frantic Texts Ive Sent My Mom Friends Since I Got Pregnant

1. Is it me, or is sobriety boring?


3. Craving Hostess products like they’re the answer toEVERYTHING. Unsure how long I can hold out

4. What does my fetus want with a Ho Ho anyway???

5.Holy shit BOOBS. Is this normal? Sending pic…”

6.“If onlymy gigantic breasts didn’t hurt so much to the touch, maybeI could actually enjoy them. Thanks again, Mo’ Nature!

7.“Holy crapI havent known a zit like this since 1995!

8. How do I make my facestop breaking out???

9. And my butt! My butt!!!

10. Just realized I wont even be able to see my pubic hair a couple months from now, let alone muster the energy to groom it.

11. Not getting my period for 9 straight months…awesome. The steady stream of other stuff coming of my vagina…not so awesome.

12. Is it weird if I start an Instagram account for my unborn child?

13.“Kinda want a boy, just so I can say ‘I’ve got ballsliterally’!”

14. Am I reallygonna grow hair in weird places? I keep looking for it…

15. My eyeballs hurt. WHY?

16. There are tinybumps on both my elbows! Theyitch! HELP!

17. Wondering how people with naturally large breasts deal with the constant jiggling sensation

18. Isn’t it confoundinghow relatively useless men are to the continuation of the human race???

19.“Seriously, what women go through is truly ridiculous. Meanwhile, men just walk around with their penises dangling between their legs…”

20.“I have SO MANYbody image issuesright now.”

21. Ihaven’t felt this unsexy since puberty…or that time in the eighthgrade when I realized I wasprobably the last person in the entire middle schoolto get tosecond base.

22. “When people ask me how I feel, I just want to say ‘fat’ and be done with it.”

24. Didn’trealize how vain I really am until this parasite started growing inside me.

25. Where the fuck is my magical second trimester boost in energy???? WHERE?!!!

26.QQ: Did pregnant sex sting for youat all? Thank the good lordfor coconut oil,right?”

27. “The gym seems like a really dumb idea to me rn.”

28.“What’s the appropriate thing to do when a strangertouches your belly (other than punch them in the throat)?”

29.What if my baby’s ugly? Seriously? I DON’T WANT AN UGLY BABY!!”

30. I miss drugs.

31. How much weight did gain? Need to know stat. Woke up feeling particularlylarge. NOT HAPPY about it. Grrrrrrr.

32. Exactly how long will it take to get mybody back? Be precise, please.

33. What if my boobs get all saggy after they shrink back down to their normal size? Is my baby going to EAT my boobs???

34. Please remind me that the final product isworthwhile…

35. I would give ANYTHINGto sleep on my stomachagain.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/melanie-berliet/2017/02/35-frantic-texts-ive-sent-my-mom-friends-since-i-got-pregnant/

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